”Shame resides
on the borderline between self and other. It plays a critical role in the
mediation of interpersonal closeness and distance, sensitively gauging my feelings
about how close I can and
want to let someone come. Of course, trust enters into the equation as
well. I must trust that the others will respect my self-esteem and integrity if
I decide not to conceal from them “the naked truth” of who I really am. Fear of
being hurt by an intimate encounter has to do with the fear of being exposed,
ridiculed, and shamed—whether in an obvious or a subtle way. Interpersonal
contact requires that one develop a high degree of sensitivity to the “right”
balance of closeness and distance—a job in which the feeling of shame can be of
substantial help. How often have I been tormented by the shame of having
revealed too much about myself to someone whom I later decided had not earned
my trust?”
Mario Jacoby- Shame and the Origins of
Self-Esteem
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